|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|||||
|
|
|
||||
|
|
|
|
|
||
HOMEBOOKMARKNEWSLETTERJoin our newsletter to receive news of offers and discountsSearch
AS FEATURED IN...Lucy Siegle On Eithical Living: Sunday March 5, 2006 The Observer
Navigation 3 Wheeler Twins And Tripples
3 Wheelers
9 Months To 11 Years
9 Months To 4 Years
Baby Bags
Bath And Changing Units
Bedding
Birth To 12 Months
Birth To 4 Years
Boori
Buggies
Buggy Accessories
Buggy Boards
Cot Accessories
Cots
Cribs
Grobags Sleeping Bags
Heritage Range
Highchairs
Monitors
Moses Baskets
Nappies
Nursing Chairs
Portable Highchairs
Rocking Horses
Starter Beds
Tandems
Travel Cots
Travel Systems
Twins
Walkers
Parening Books |
Five Ways To Build Super-Strong Relationships With Your Children
One of the questions I ask in parenting presentations is "How do you show your children you love them?" Participants usually cite verbal and physical ways of showing affection as the most common means of showing love. These ways work well for children of certain age groups and children with those relational preferences, but how do you relate to a child or young person who becomes a 'conversational clam' or one who doesn't like physical closeness? Conversely, it is easy to miss the relational signs of children if their ways of relating fit outside our frame of reference. I remember Michael, behaviourally the most challenging child that I taught, would meet me in the car park each morning and carry my bag to the staffroom door. He would bid me farewell and we would spend most of our contact time jousting with each other. The bag-carrying was just Michael's way of saying that he liked me. His relational preference was through acts of service, which is similar to mine so we were on the same wavelength. According to Gary Chapman author of Five Languages of Children there are five different ways to develop a connection (show them you love them) with children. As you read them consider your preference and the preferences of children in your family or immediate confines: 1. Acts of affirmation, praise and recognition The best way to develop a relationship with some children is through your praise, affirmation and recognition. Let them know they are wonderful, that their efforts at home hit the mark and their behaviour is appreciated and they will know you think the world of them. This is obviously easy for some children who naturally do well or behave appropriately but what of those children who are NOT 'affirmation magnets'? We need to try something else? 2. Acts of service and shared activity Some children just want to share an activity with you. When you come home from work they may pester you for a game or want to join you in whatever you are doing. As toddlers these children want to be attached to their mum and dad's hips as they go about their usual business. You cook, they want to cook. You mow the lawn they want to join you. These children will often do things for you to show they care so they do special jobs 'just for you' (particularly when they have been less than perfect) or want you to join them in an activity or a game. As teenagers they may share an interest such as sport with a parent rather than participating together in an activity itself. These children also love to have their parents to themselves for a time. 3. Talking and attention Some children just love to talk or be the centre of attention. They love one-on-one time but they can rattle on forever rather than actually engage in an activity with a parent. Far from being 'conversational clams' these children usually don't mind telling you about their day or about any social problems they may be having. They also like to hear about your personal life or how you may have handled the highs and lows of life. Yes, they can close up during adolescence but you may just have to find the right forum such as a car or coffee shop for them to talk. Parents who travel a great deal can stay in touch with these children through the internet or via the telephone. In many ways these 'talkers' provide easy access for relationships as long as we make the effort. 4. Gifts and mementoes Some children like more tangible evidence of your regard so small mementoes or gifts are the way to their hearts. I am not talking big expense here but these 'tangibles' love their parents to bring something home from work (a pad, pen or poster can work wonders) or a little treat every now and then. Some teenage 'tangibles' can be quite demanding on their parents financially as they may ask for big ticket fashion items but remember that it is the thought not the item that counts with this group. 5. Physical closeness and affection Some children just can't get close enough to their parents. As young children they love to be picked up and toddlers can give parents little space. Cuddles on the couch and physical play are de rigeur for these kinaesthetic types. Some older boys love to skylark and play very physical games with their fathers, which can be their way of saying, "You're OK." So you need to go along with these affectionate types and realise a touch on the shoulder or a hand on the arm can be more potent than words of praise. This can be challenging if you are physically reserved yourself or your children move into adolescence and you feel awkward about giving them a hug. Sometimes a squeeze on the arm or a quick rub of a teen's back as you greet them is a powerful reminder that you love them. Most children will have a preference for two of the above methods just as most parents will have one or two preferred ways of relating to others. If you love to chat then holding conversations with like-minded children will be a breeze but how will you relate to those children who prefer more physical ways or even a memento? If you are frustrated and think that you just can't get through to your child it may be worth checking the way you relate. If talking doesn't work then maybe try a little memento from time to time or suggest a game, a cup of coffee together or just a story. To steal a line from an 80's American sitcom - 'Different strokes for different young folks.' Michael Grose is a leading parenting educator and specialises in healping busy parents raise confident kids and resilient young people. He is the author of six books and over 300 columns in magazines and newspapers across three contintents. He also gives over 100 presentations a year. For more great ideas to help you raise fantastic kids that other people rave about and really love the job of parenting visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au . While you are there subscribe to Happy Kids, Michael's free email newsletter and receive a free report Seven ways to beat sibling rivalry
MORE RESOURCES:
babies - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Water Hazards For Young Children Unfortunately each year many young children drown in swimming pools, other bodies of water, and standing water around the home area. Children must be watched by an adult at all times when in or near water. 5 Great Tips For Choosing Safe Toys For Your Children Every children in the world whishes to have toys and every parent trys to give them what they want. So until they grow-up children spend most of their time playing with different toys. How Useful Are Bed Wetting Alarms Whenever parents discuss how to deal with bed wetting, the topic of alarms inevitably gets raised. Bed wetting alarms can be useful devices, but in spite of the popularity with which they get discussed, they should not really be considered a first line option. Andy Griffith Show Family Lessons Although it might seem pretty corny to a lot of folks today, the old Andy Griffith Show really did have a lot of common sense family values that we could learn from today.Take for instance the episode "Bailey's Bad Boy" that guest starred Bill Bixby as a spoiled rich teenager who wanted his rich dad to bail him out of jail once he got in trouble in Mayberry. Toxic Chemicals, Are Your Children Being Exposed? You do what you can to keep your little ones safe and healthy in this world we live in. You put your household cleaners out of reach and make sure the front door is securely locked. A Call For Fathers Dads, please let me encourage you to change some things in your life. A recent University study found that the average father in America spends less than sixty seconds per day in conversations with his children! The actual number was 47 seconds per day. A Chance for a Home "He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home." - Johann von GoetheHome. You Make Me Sick And Other Things Parents Say in Anger Maryann is so focused she's blind. She's slipped over the edge of responsibility and forgot the real reason she is working so hard. You Want Whaaat??? Not too long ago my teenage daughter approached me with a very special request.. Will My Child Ever Out-grow His Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder? If your child has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder then at some point you will be asking the question, "Will my child ever outgrow it?" Well, there is good news, and not so good news, when it comes to the answer. Studies indicate that about half of those with ADHD will outgrow many of the symptoms of the disorder by the time he or she is in their 20's. Is My Child Lazy? Is there a difference between lazy and unmotivated? Why do some children move as if in slow motion? Is this normal or are they just trying to irritate you? You may be surprised to learn that a great many factors come into play when a child appears to be lazy; stage of growth, hormones, hunger, motivation, lack of clear directions and maybe even sleep deprivation.I have never taught my workshop of "Kids, Chores & More" when there hasn't been at least two parents of 11 year old boys lamenting that their sons are so lazy. ADHD Treatment: Strategy and Philosophy If your child or teen has been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder during the summer, or winter months, and if your child or teen is not a danger to himself or to someone else, we recommend that you try diet and nutritional interventions first and see if they work. Try our Eating Program/Diet and order the VAXA products "Attend" and "Extress". Breaking the Cycle of Emotional Blackmail Family decision-making is an intriguing phenomenon. Many factors become part of the decision-making process. Parenting: 6 Observations on Fatherhood Just the other day my oldest son asked:"Daddy, am I old enough to call you Dad?"Won't be long now before he is asking for the car keys.. Puberty - Get Ready to Play the Puberty Game Puberty can be a difficult time for children. Not quite kids anymore and not really adolescents they are caught in the middle in type of limbo. Unilateral Disarmament - The First Step to Improving Communications with Your Teenagers Many times, we are so conditioned in how we speak that we do not realize whether or not we are effectively communicating with our teens. This is especially true when they upset us. Parenting---Roots and Wings I'm sure many of you have heard that old Hallmark card adage that goes something like this: Parents give their children two great gifts---one is roots, the other is wings. This is what I address in this article. How to Help Your Child be Successful in Kindergarten Your child's first year of school should be a fun and exciting time. Children who are comfortable with and prepared for this first school experience are more likely to have rewarding and productive years, and therefore associate positive feelings with education. Is Your Child Having Trouble in School? Did you know that the school system is only able to meet 50% of student learning needs?That's right! - only 50% of the student population is in an environment at school which enables them to be successful learners.The reason for this is not because of bad teachers. Ten Tips for a Great First Day of School! Many children are jittery on the first day of school. Listed are ways to prepare your child for the big day!-Read books about school.
|
