|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|||||
|
|
|
||||
|
|
|
|
|
||
HOMEBOOKMARKNEWSLETTERJoin our newsletter to receive news of offers and discountsSearch
AS FEATURED IN...Lucy Siegle On Eithical Living: Sunday March 5, 2006 The Observer
Navigation 3 Wheeler Twins And Tripples
3 Wheelers
9 Months To 11 Years
9 Months To 4 Years
Baby Bags
Bath And Changing Units
Bedding
Birth To 12 Months
Birth To 4 Years
Boori
Buggies
Buggy Accessories
Buggy Boards
Cot Accessories
Cots
Cribs
Grobags Sleeping Bags
Heritage Range
Highchairs
Monitors
Moses Baskets
Nappies
Nursing Chairs
Portable Highchairs
Rocking Horses
Starter Beds
Tandems
Travel Cots
Travel Systems
Twins
Walkers
Parening Books |
Parents of Teens: Do You Ever Ask WHY is she so MEAN to me?
Do you ever wonder what is behind the occasional nasty attitudes expressed by your teenager? Teenagers can make their parents feel pretty badly at times; if they only knew how much their words and actions sometimes hurt us they'd probably stop. Perhaps. It isn't a developmental necessity that teenagers be mean to their parents, but enough of them demonstrate this behavior that it not only warrants examination here, it is the topic of frequent discussion among parents. And when young adults look back, they say things like "I'm still apologizing to my mom for how I treated her when I was in high school." Why do they act this way? What's behind this behavior? Here are a couple of reasons. During adolescence parents fall off the pedestal we once stood on when our kids were young. And that is a developmental necessity. Part of the process that teenagers are experiencing includes separating from parents, a process psychologists call "individuation." They are coming into their own true - separate - selves. And this includes seeing parents realistically - and that means they see our flaws and short comings as well as our positive attributes. Smaller children often make that pedestal parents stand on pretty high; think back and you're sure to remember incidences that surprised you when you realized how you were perceived as infallible, nearly "perfect," truly "adored." When teenagers begin to gain a more realistic view of their parents it can actually be scary for them. They can feel vulnerable, angry even, to discover their parents are only human, imperfect like the rest of humanity. Obviously they will learn to cope with this realization, but at an unconscious level it can still be disturbing to them. This can be one cause of their "mean" behavior toward parents. It will help parents to understand that along with the disappointment in learning adults are flawed, may also come relief as teenagers learn that "perfection" is not a prerequisite for adulthood. Parents can help their teens through this shift in thinking and this important developmental step by being realistic about their flaws. Another reason why kids sometimes present challenging attitudes to parents is that they're testing out ideas. Hopefully, at a deep level, your teen knows that he/she can count on you and you'll never abandon him/her, no matter what. That makes you, then, the safest person with whom she can express her feeling and thoughts - even ones that are not typically allowed in our culture. Parents who provide walls and boundaries are not only keeping kids safe, they are providing walls to push against, and push they will! This may not be what the parent intends, but it is often the case, again, because of the inherent "safety" in the relationship. Parents can become, merely because of circumstances, the testing ground teens use to verbalize ideas, attitudes and behavior, sometimes with little regard for our feelings. Mother-daughter relationships, in particular, can exemplify this. One author referred to "mother" as the "standard to which she aspires and struggles against." So, you see the challenge can be built right into the relationship. There are many causes for the changing behavior of teenagers, and some of the attitudes they express can hurt parents' feelings. The more parents understand the underlying causes for what is going on, the more we can properly manage our responses. We certainly don't need to accept unacceptable behavior, but on the other hand we can help the situation if we are knowledgeable about what might be really behind it. Sue Blaney Sue Blaney is the author of Please Stop the Rollercoaster! How Parents of Teenagers Can Smooth Out the Ride and Practical Tips for Parents of Young Teens; What You Can Do to Enhance Your Child's Middle School Years. As a communications professional and the parent of two teenagers, she speaks frequently to parents and schools about parenting issues, improving communications and creating parent discussion groups. Visit our website at http://www.PleaseStoptheRollercoaster.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
10 Points on Children for the New Parent I remember when my daughter was born, later my son. According to many well meaning individuals, I should've done this, should've done that and maybe improved in some areas. School Holiday Survival Guide The school holidays are a great time for the kids, all those weeks of fun and games, no school, getting up late??but not for their parents! Summer vacation time can be just as much like hard work as the rest of the year. Trying to keep the kids entertained for six whole weeks can seem like a daunting task, so here are ten top tips to help you survive the summer holidays. Let Your Children Name the New Baby Choosing a baby name is an important job, so make your children feel important by letting them help you name the new baby. After all, you're not the only one who's having a baby - your whole family is ! Use the process of naming the baby as an opportunity to get your other children involved in and excited about their new brother or sister, and make the process fun. What Do You Do When Your Child is Smarter than You? We adopted our first child when he was three months old. When we went to the agency to get him, he promptly stood up on my wife's lap and looked out the window. "I'M OVERWHELMED" -- 5 Tips On How Parents Can Take Control Of Their Lives Are you feeling overwhelmed being a parent? Do you want to feel more relaxed and empowered raising your child? Working parents, stay-at-home parents, visiting parents - it doesn't matter which one you are because these days almost every parent feels overwhelmed by their daily day. Parents every day experience anxiety, stress and despondency because they feel as if they are losing control of their natural balance. Back to School It is hard to believe that summer is coming to a close, but the fall and school season is fast approaching. Our son will be beginning his first year of preschool this year and we are both excited and nervous. When Your Childs Adoption Story Changes: Nothing But the Facts or is It Nothing are the Facts? Elana, born in Russia, was told "We really don't know why your birth family couldn't care for you.""Katie, adopted from China, cherishes an item from a birth parent: a red note that was enclosed with her blanket. Children Need Roots and Wings "Good parents give their children Roots and Wings." --Jonas SalkThe first time I heard this quote, it made me think. Talk Your Child Clever Most parents can hardly wait for their baby to say its first word. This usually happens between the nine months and a year. A Dangerous Environment The internet is a dangerous place for your children. Don't even begin to believe that your child is safe. Strong-willed Kids: Raising a Spirited Child Sometimes a change of perspective can make a huge difference for parents when their children's behaviour worries them. This point was evident recently when I was involved in a minor disagreement with one of my daughters. Grandparents --- Homeschool Your Grandchildren and Feel Younger Grandparents, what better way to stay close to your grown children than to advise them about important issues like the dangers of public schools for your grandchildren? What better way to feel younger if you offer to help homeschool your grandchildren?When your children grow up and get careers of their own, that doesn't mean you have to be lonely in a big, empty house and lose contact with your kids. Helping to homeschool your grandchildren can be a wonderful way for you to stay in close and loving contact with your grown children and grandchildren. Top Ten Things My Six Year-Old Son Has Taught Me (So Far...) I've learned numerous, important lessons on life, motherhood and men by being the mommy of a little boy.. The Forgotten Secret of the Ancient Greeks that Shows Us How to Keep Our Teenagers Out of Trouble To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up (Ecclesiastes 3:1-3) Four of the boys at training tonight are preparing themselves for their first fight at our forthcoming Christians vs. Lions promotion, scheduled for only three weeks hence. Awesome Dads Top Ten Communication Intentions An Awesome Dad in by no means perfect. But that itself is perfect, because imperfection allows us to really understand the personal evolution our children are going through with us. Work Before Play Many families, ours included, have learned that breakfast is eaten after we are dressed and have made our beds. Dressing and making a bed somehow only takes five minutes when done before breakfast and take forever if done after breakfast. Get Down (On The Floor!) And Play With Your Children When was the last time you and your kids rolled around on the floor together laughing yourselves silly? If you're like me, it may have been a while! Sometimes I get caught up in household chores, give errands a priority or answer the phone when I know I should let it ring, instead of making time for my two daughters. It's not that I don't play with them; just the opposite is true. Summer Camp Care Packages Every summer our daughter goes to summer camp. She looks forward to it every year. 14 Romantic Time-Outs for Parents Here are fourteen spontaneous time-outs, specially designed to help you pay the small attentions that are so integral to lasting intimacy.Day One: Spend 15 minutes kissing. Homeschooling --- A Superior Education For Your Child Home-schooling provides children with a superior education. Parents can quickly teach most kids the basics of reading, writing, and arithmetic using excellent, creative, learn-to-read, or learn-math books, programs, or computer learning software.
|
