HOME

BOOKMARK

NEWSLETTER

Join our newsletter to receive news of offers and discounts

Search

AS FEATURED IN...


Lucy Siegle On Eithical Living: Sunday March 5, 2006 The Observer

Weight Watchers®.co.uk. Now with an online plan.

Navigation


Parening Books

Search Now:
Amazon Logo


Safe From Strangers


There are few thoughts as terrifying as the abduction of your young child by a stranger. The fear causes parents to think long and hard about their children's safety. They tell them in a very clear voice, "Do not to talk to strangers."

The problem is though, that a child's view of a stranger is very different from a parent's view. From the child's perspective, because a stranger is someone they are supposed to be afraid of, they expect a stranger to look ugly or scary. In fact, few, if any strangers actually look like the child's notion. Then to make matters more confusing for children, we teach then to respect and listen to their elders and be polite. Then as role models, children see us talk to people we have never met before, day in and day out.

So young children get it and will not to talk to strangers. They will very willingly avoid scary looking people. However, when confronted by a friendly, kind looking older person, they will likely respond politely, which in most cases means "speaking when spoken to" and as they are taught in school, they will follow their directions.

Helping young children not to talk to strangers or not go with them, takes much more than the simple admonishment, "Don't talk to strangers."

Parents who want to increase the likelihood that their child will avoid or leave from persons unknown must spend a good amount of time talking about the issue and teaching their children on an ongoing basis. These tips may help:

  • When out in the community, in a matter of fact voice, point out the various people and ask your child if s/he knows them. Use this as an opportunity to explain that a stranger is any person we do not know, regardless of what they look like.

  • Next it becomes very important to differentiate the rules for grown-ups and the rules for children. Sometimes simply phasing it as, "Are you old enough to talk to people you don't know by yourself?" and then explain that they must have your permission to do so.

  • In the event a stranger approaches a child, they then must be equipped with strategies to manage the situation. Some parents provide a "code word." Explain to the child if someone doesn't know the code word, they do not have permission to go or talk with the person. In such situations, the child must be instructed to leave the person and immediately go to another adult they know, or older child if an adult is not available. It important to also teach the child that this is not rude. The child must understand that they have your full permission to leave the situation and to do so immediately.

    Managing your child's safety, in your absence is truly a scary thought for most parents. We do not want to put undue fear in our children, but we do want to keep them from harm. It is important to understand how our own behaviour may contradict what we want children to do when approached by people they do not know. We have to talk about the difference between what parents may do and what children may do. Only parents may touch the stove? only parents talk to strangers.

    Finally, in addition to teaching who NOT to talk to, we must also teach, who they CAN talk to. If for instance, your child is lost in the store, who can they talk to? Develop a list of safe persons your child can talk to - even if they do not know them. The list may include police, fireman, teachers and even cashiers in stores. Remember keeping children safe is an ongoing discussion and not a simple one-time set of rules.

    Keep talking with them to keep them safe.

    Gary Direnfeld, MSW
    garydi@sympatico.ca
    905 628-4847

    Gary Direnfeld is a social worker and expert on matters of family life. He is in private practice, writes and provides workshops and is the developer of the "I Promise Program" - teen safe driving initiative. Search his name on GOOGLE.COM to view his many articles. Feel free to call him for your next conference and for expert opinion on family matters. Courts in Ontario consider Gary an expert on child development, marital and family therapy, custody and access recommendations and social work.

    Buy the book: To order Direnfeld's book, Raising Kids Without Raising Cane, send a cheque or money order in the amount of $12.00 to: Interaction Consultants, 20 Suter Crescent, Dundas, Ontario, Canada L9H 6R5

    Parents of new teen drivers are encouraged to check out this teen safe driving program: www.ipromiseprogram.com

    http://www.ipromiseprogram.com/gary/direnfeld.htm


    MORE RESOURCES:

    Baby on the Way for Jackson Rathbone
    People Magazine
    The Twilight star, 27, and girlfriend Sheila Hafsadi, 24, will welcome a baby this summer, his rep confirms to PEOPLE. The couple “are thrilled and excited to be expecting their first child,” reads a statement. The actor, best known for his role as ...

    and more »


    TIME

    Babies most abused in US
    WFXL FOX 31
    by Jessica Fairley The most common victims are babies under the age of one, with 58 cases per 100000 infants. ALBANY, GA. -- A new study released by the journal of Pediatrics is bringing the severity of child abuse to the light.
    Ending Violence Sparked By Baby's CryNPR (blog)
    Child abuse experts call for US campaignFox News
    Abuse's big toll on littlest victimsWashington Times

    all 110 news articles »


    Baby on the way? Make time to prepare your pet
    Chronicle-Telegram
    by Lorain County Moms SUE MANNING, AP LOS ANGELES — Parents have months to get ready for a baby. Experts say the countdown should include prep time for pets too. A baby changes everything for a pet — from how its home looks, smells and sounds to what ...
    Get pets ready for new babyNew Jersey Herald

    all 5 news articles »


    Report released on baby's death
    Kennebec Journal
    By Amy Calder acalder@mainetoday.com WATERVILLE -- A baby boy who died last year at Mid-Maine Homeless Shelter died of sudden unexpected death in infancy, according to the state Medical Examiner's Office. Sudden Unexpected Infant Death: Deaths in ...

    and more »


    Los Angeles Times

    The Year of the Dragon is also the Year of the Baby
    Los Angeles Times
    But there is one centuries-old tradition the Asian American couple still swears by: having a baby in the Year of the Dragon, considered the most auspicious year in the 12-year zodiac cycle. "We're both dragons ourselves," said Gemma Chen, ...
    Chinese New Year sparks 'dragon baby' boomAsian Correspondent

    all 15 news articles »


    Financial Times

    Sex, stars, dogs, babies: Advertisers whiff on Super Bowl stage
    Appleton Post Crescent
    And stars from the 90s were everywhere, as were dogs and babies, of course. Companies paid an average of $3.5 million for a 30-second spot for the right to duke it out Sunday in front of the expected 111 million-plus fans. But there were it was all so ...
    Viewpoints: Eastwood's heartfelt halftime message transcended politicsSacramento Bee

    all 1,467 news articles »


    Super Bowl Fans: Cutest Babies And Kids In Jerseys
    Huffington Post
    And I don't know if any of my fellow Huffies caught it on the news the other night, but the baby playing PING-PONG with his dad was a BEAUT ! There he was all of about 12 months old, seated on top of the table and whacking at ping-pong balls sent his ...

    and more »


    msnbc.com

    From baby to bébé: Learning from French parenting
    msnbc.com
    So how come they never point out that so many French babies start sleeping through the night at two or three months old? And why don't they mention that French kids don't require constant attention from adults, and that they seem capable of hearing the ...
    Bringing Up BabyWBUR
    Parenting À la ModeWall Street Journal
    Parenting memoirs go globalSTLtoday.com
    Huffington Post
    all 19 news articles »


    Alone in crib is safest way for baby to sleep
    Tallahassee Democrat (blog)
    As a new or expectant parent, it is important to create a safe sleep environment for your baby. Sleep Right, Sleep Tight is a public awareness campaign developed by Prevent Child Abuse Florida in partnership with the Florida Department of Children and ...

    and more »


    The Guardian

    Baby weight: finger foods better than spoon-feeding, study suggests
    The Guardian
    Babies may know best when it comes to their future health, according to researchers who found infants who have more choice over what they eat may be less overweight than their spoon-fed counterparts. Allowing toddlers to feed theSmselves from a ...
    Giving babies finger food can stop them growing up fatDaily Mail
    Spoon feeding 'makes babies fatter'BBC News
    Baby-led weaning 'may cut obesity'The Press Association
    Sky News -AFP
    all 41 news articles »

    Google News